The year in review, with a foreword re: the quandary of drink.

For every night I have like this- listening to good records, not bummed out by the prospect of tomorrow, writing stuff that seems solid- that involves alcohol, I have others that, while not lacking in good times, find me besotted and feeling any/all of the following: like an irredeemable alcoholic; sick; heartbroken (for no good reason); unnaturally nostalgic; anxious; foolish; stupid; forceably happy when I shouldn't be; etc. etc.

I can't really say what the ratio of good:bad drinking nights is, because I drink so often- statement of fact, not to be burdened with connotation- that keeping track would involve an act of mental bookkeeping that I'm not interested in performing.

Anyway, on to the main focus of this post. Elspeth, who is in terms of awesomeness the equivalent of a perpetual motion machine (i.e. unbelievable, but not unimaginable), posted on her journal a list of questions (source unknown) re: the past year. I've stolen these questions, since they're pretty decent and allow me the opportunity to ruminate on A.D. 2005 a bit. Thanks, Elspeth!

Unlike Elspeth, 2005 didn't feel like two years to me. If anything, it was a handful of selected weeks interspersed with my first real glimpses of the void that is aging.

On to the questions!

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Engage in levels of interpersonal foolishness that I'd previously disdained. In retrospect, while I no longer have the moral high ground, this year's experience has been useful in that I know I'm not cut out for such things.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I made any.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not that I know of. (edit, a mere few hours after the original post) Someone I had a crush on is apparently gonna be spitting out a kid in the next few months. What can I say, other than I doubt I'll ever be able to raise a child if I remain as horribly skeptical about almost every aspect of life as I am now?

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, which I suspect will make 2005 the exception from now on. Entropy is stronger than any of us.

5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico, to visit my parents in Mexico City.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
More dedication to my art, and success in convincing someone to publish that art.

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 19th: I asked out Linda o-fficially at the High on Fire show. Personally, this speaks volumes about me.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Probably realizing that no, dude, you're not ever going to be important to anyone other than your friends and loved ones, and almost accepting that fact.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Assuming that I knew myself better than I really did (and still do).

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, thankfully.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Pretty much every LP/CD and book I picked up this year.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Necessities: rent, utilities, food, beer, books, and records.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Linda. My continued attachment to the mortal coil. Writing. Reading. Meeting some fine folks.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
One? Shit, that's foolish, so here are a few that I can recall offhand: "Cometh Down Hessian," High on Fire; "When Will They Shoot?," Ice Cube; "Get Into It," Brant Bjork and the Bros; "For the Love of God," Ulver; anything off of Genevieve by Velvet Cacoon; "On the Mountain at Dawn," Om.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder — Sadder.
Older or wiser — Both, but I'd qualify the latter by saying "painfully so...kinda."
Thinner or fatter? — Fatter, thanks to my beer habit.
Richer or poorer? — Richer, if only because I actually have a savings account now.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I'd written more, and pushed my second novel onto publishers/agents more stridently.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Waste time on pursuits I knew to be fruitless.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I already spent Christmas with my brother.

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Yeah.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Battlestar: Galactica, despite seeing too little of it.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Only myself, and I'd say I'm disappointed, not hateful.

26. What was the best book you read?
All in all, Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Dude, I bought so many albums that it would take far too long to sort through 'em to make a decision.

28. What did you want and get?
A slightly better understanding of what it'll take to call myself a writer and mean it.

29. What did you want and not get?
Peace of mind.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I saw very, very few movies this year, so I'd go with Broken Flowers.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I hung out with some folks here at the new(est) casa, and I turned 26.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Again, I can't choose one thing. Finding a publisher for my second novel would've been magnificent, and it would've been satisfying on multiple levels not to have let so many people, myself included, down.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
No different than last year's: crude metalhead, i.e. good ol' shredded jeans, metal band t-shirts, battered footwear, and long, somewhat unkempt hair. (Fuck all y'all that mock my sideburns.)

34. What kept you sane?
A handful of beloved people, as well as literature and music.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
None of them, really. I don't even listen to Avril Lavigne much these days.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The existence of politics. Oh, you mean specifically: the continued existence of a nigh-certifiable idiot, surrounded by soulless and highly crafty bastards, in the Oval Office.

37. Who did you miss?
Elspeth. Andy. Bill. Amanda.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Persons, not person. Linda and Elspeth, and, sadly only online, Shari, hands down.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
Better get your shit together, Smith, if only for your own sake- but never forget that it's casual.