Please send me $1,000, preferably in cash, so I can purchase fuckloads of metal albums and talk about them to people who don't give a fuck about metal. That means you.

I realized a long time ago that my taste in metal is nowhere as obscure as non-metalheads think it is, if they think that at all, since most metal is obscure to the general public. Nevertheless, since I'm neither an obscurantist or GRIMM AND KVLT AS FVCK, I will hereby issue statements on a fairly well-known metal record, simply because I want to.

Voivod, "War and Pain": Having really only heard Voivod's weirder, more clinical "schizometal" (thanks, Erik Davis, for that one), this came as a surprise. Fuckin' A, it's the archetype of well-done American thrash in 1984, mais du Quebec. Of course, my version is the remastered one, and I have no idea what it sounded like for some sixteen-year-old headbanger when it was originally released twenty years ago, but I bet it fuckin' ruled.

Saint Vitus put out an album named "Born Too Late." Sometimes I feel the same way, but I know I couldn't have been put on this earth at any other time, as cool as it may be to have seen the birth of metal as we know it (among other things). No, I'm here and now, and it's good fuckin' times.